Dear Mr Brad,
I am writing this email to introduce myself to you per task 7. Firstly, I would like to share with you that I graduated with a Diploma in Landscape Architecture from Singapore Polytechnic in 2022. On the contrary, I have switched my focus on my career path and decided to pursue my Bachelor in Civil Engineering at Singapore Institute of Technology. The decision I made can be simply explained because I often found myself intrigued when the lessons at my poly taught me structural design. I grew fond of the technical side of the built environment. Thus, I leaned to my likings and strengths which led to my professional interest in engineering.
In addition to that, I’ll look forward to share my strengths and weaknesses in my communication. Firstly, I strongly believe that I am outspoken and firm. These traits have been assisting me in many interviews and meetings. A situation where I can confidently express my thoughts and ideas directly with one or more people. For instance, during my interview for my internship, I had a very decisive interaction with my interviewers, and within a couple of days, they accepted me even before they interviewed any other students. However, when I have a presentation in front of a huge number of people, my strengths turn into my weaknesses, and I experience stage fright. I have experienced that multiple times during my poly years and it pulled my presentation grades down.
Nevertheless, I look forward to working on my weaknesses in this module by presenting
often in front of a big audience panel and confidently pitching my ideas in the classroom,
without holding back my thoughts, for fear of embarrassment. Overall, I feel I
am extroverted and fun to mingle with and I bring a positive vibe to the
atmosphere. I am looking forward to learning and developing my communication
skills in your classes.
Thank you for your attention. Hope to hear your feedback soon.
Yours Sincerely,
Vishvajith
(Edited on 8th Feb 2025)
Read Priya's, Vellyn's & Johnathon's letters
Hi Vishva! After reading your letter, the tense used could be better in tense as for instance this part of the sentence: ‘However, when I have a presentation in front of a huge number of people, my strengths turn into my weaknesses, and I experience stage fright.’ I think it could be better if you used had instead of have as well connection words to connect the words instead of commas :) That’s all, your letter is good ! Good luck !
ReplyDeleteI understand your feedback, ill take note of it and update my work accordingly. Thank you for your constructive criticism.
DeleteDear Vishvajith,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your self-introduction email. I really love that you put an effort into structuring your thoughts and showing your personal insights. In appreciation for that I would like to give you my own thoughts of what I really liked and would like to see more with what I thought could be improved for your future emails.
Firstly, I personally like how easy to understand your email when reading it due to following a clear flow making a clear structure. This clear structure made your message easy to follow as it transitioned from your academic journey to your career switch all the way to your strengths and weaknesses.
Secondly, I really enjoy reading how open you were to share your weaknesses on presenting to a huge audience. I too have an issue with presenting, and I feel like I could connect well with you especially with your willingness to learn and improve which makes me want to read more about you!
However, with all the good points, there are some things I thought you could improve on such as, sentence clarity because some sentences are long and sound awkward like “The decision I made can be simply explained because I often found myself intrigued when the lessons at my poly taught me structural design", which I feel could have been explained better. This and other small errors like “interviewees” which I presume was meant to be interviewers, made me lose focus on your email.
So, while your email does do a great job of introducing yourself and highlighting your communication strengths and weaknesses while showing your enthusiasm, I feel that there are things you still need to improve in. With slight refinements in sentence structure and word choice your email will be even more polished and professional.
Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts!
Best regards,
Jonathan Tay
Hey John, im glad that you liked my self-introduction letter. Since we seem to share similar problems, I feel we can work together to improve our communication skills at certain aspects. I have taken note of the mistakes i have made, I appreciate you for pointing them out and telling me what would be a better fit at that situation. Looking forward to work together more often!
DeleteUntil Next Time,
Vishva
Hi Vishva,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your email, it was great getting to know more about you! It's really interesting how your background in landscape architecture ultimately led you to pursue civil engineering. Your thoughtful decision to follow your interest is admirable.
I really like the logical flow of your email and how self-aware you are about your communication strength and weaknesses. I hope by the end of the module, you achieve your desired goals!
That being said, here are a few things which I felt you could improve on. There a few errors such as 'I’ll look to share' and 'interviewees' which I assume you meant 'like to share' and interviewers respectively. Another I felt that for this sentence 'hope to hear your feedback soon.', you can specify what you would like feedback on as it sounds vague. Furthermore, to improve the formal tone of your email, instead of saying 'fun to mingle' you can say approachable.
That's all from me, I look forward to learning and working with you this semester!
Best regards,
Priya
Hello Priya! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading my email, Thank for giving newer feedbacks, it's very useful for me and any future letters i write. Hope to hear from you more.
DeleteBest Regards,
Vishva
Hey Wen Cong, thank you for the informative feedback, I appreciate the small refinements i could add to my email to make it better. Looking forward to working with you.
ReplyDeleteBest Regards,
Vishva
Dear Mr Brad,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your in-depth feedback to my letter. I am thrilled to receive your compliments on my work. Furthermore, I appreciate the constructive criticism on my work. I will learn from the feedback given to improve my quality of work in my upcoming assignments. I also hope to pay heed to your advices and challenge myself in our future lessons whenever possible.
Thank you once again, I hope to learn more from you this term.
Yours Sincerely,
Vishva
Thanks, Vishva. As I have mentioned in class, this post can be revised in response to the feedback you have received. Just add the date of the revision at the bottom of the same post.
ReplyDelete